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Widow's & Widower's Handbook called
When Your Spouse Dies?
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| When Your Spouse Dies A Widows and Widowers Handbook Othniel J. Seiden
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ISBN: 0-9801941-6-4
Your mate's life has ended, but the fact remains that yours has not!
As a doctor and a widower, Dr. Othniel Seiden has more experience with this subject than most anyone else on the planet.
He and his new wife, psychologist Dr. Jane Bilett discuss the details of what is necessary to think about when dealing with the death of your spouse. From Financial Issues of the estate to starting over, this book gives valuable advice and true comfort to the bereaved spouse.
It is the purpose of this book to help you cope with your loss and help you to eventually get on with your life.
Your mate's life has ended, but the fact remains that yours has not.
In addition to your loss, there will be new demands on you. No matter how independent you may have been, you'll find you relied more heavily on your mate than you ever suspected. | Preview this book on
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Table of Contents
- I-You’re Never Ready
- II-First Steps
- III-It Finally Sinks In...You’re Alone
- IV-Taking Stock
- V-Grief Work
- VI-Remember the Rest of the Family
- VII-Starting Over
- VIII-Joining/Rejoining the Workforce
- IX-Don’t Forget Your Social Needs
- X-Dating & Sex
- XI-I Think I’m Falling In Love Again
- XII-I Never Want To Marry Again!
- Conclusion-Strive For Peace of Mind & Your Own Happiness!
- Appendix-Recommended Reading
- Recommended Reading
Angel On Board
EJ Thornton
ISBN: 1-932344-76-4
I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can
Linda Feinberg
I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye
Brook Noel
The After Journey
Laurie-Ann Weis
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Excerpt from:
When Your Spouse Dies
A Widow & Widower's Handbook
“Why is Life so unfair?”
“There is no rhyme and reason for this!”
“Why did God have to take him?”
“Why would God just have taken her?”
“What did I do to deserve this?”
“Why did this have to happen to her?”
“Why did this happen to him?”
“Why did this terrible loss happen to me?”
“This can’t be happening to me!”
There are no answers to these questions, no legitimate arguments to the statements.
Life is unfair!
Most often there is no discernable rhyme or reason for what happens, at least none that would ease the pain of losing a spouse!
This book is not intended to answer these impossible questions or profess that your hurt will go away any faster for having read it. It is the purpose of this book to help you cope with your loss and help you to eventually get on with your life. Your mate’s life has ended, but the fact remains that yours has not. In addition to your loss, there will be new demands on you. No matter how independent you may have been, you’ll find you relied more heavily on your mate than you ever suspected.
On the other hand, if you relied heavily on your spouse for your everyday needs, you’ll also be surprised just how self reliant you will become now that the need is here. If you’re fortunate enough to have family and friends for support, accept their kind and sincere offerings of service. They really want to be of help to you and you’re helping them to cope with their feelings and loss by allowing them help you - their friend who’s in need.
Remember, marriage was a two way street, and your spouse relied on you for many things too, many of which you both probably took for granted.
One of the first matters you must settle in your own mind is that your spouse’s death was not your fault! It is natural that such self-blame might creep into your thinking. It will probably dash in from time to time. Our religions tend to teach us that God is benevolent, forgiving, loving, but stern in dealing with sinners. Punishment must have a reason, and what worse punishment could be dealt than what you are now suffering, other than perhaps the loss of a child?
The logical next question is, “What have I done to deserve this?” This leads to a review of all the ‘evil’ you’ve done since your birth ultimately creating self-blame for the death of your fondest friend and mate. Well, that just isn’t so!
Your mate died because we all must die.
Some of us will die young; hopefully most of us will enjoy a full and long life. But whenever our loved ones go, it is too early. The point is that life and death are mostly chance and you must realize that nothing you did hastened the loss of your mate. Any reasonable clergy would agree with this.
* * *
It is not the purpose of this chapter to place blame. There is no blame! Death is the normal, natural, unavoidable end to human life, as it is for all living things. Except for cases of homicide and suicide, none of us have any control over the time of that end for ourselves or another person. As harsh and yet as obvious as these words are, the bereaved spouse they must accept this. Were the bereaved a person other than yourself, you would have no doubt that your acquaintance was guilt free. You would argue the same points we do now and do so in all sincerity. But in our own grief we are not so objective. We keep asking, “Where have I gone wrong? What should I have done differently?”
The fact is, you each probably did all you could to make your life together as wonderful as it could be. For that you can only take credit, not blame. Granted, it is easy to accept these arguments intellectually, but emotional acceptance is another matter. We can help you with that...
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Seiden & Bilett have written many other books including:
Heavy & Healthy
Thornton Publishing 2007
ISBN: 0-9779960-5-0
Sex in the Golden Years - Thornton Publishing 2008
ISBN: 0-9801941-0-5
When Your Spouse Dies - Thornton Publishing 2008
ISBN: 0-9801941-0-5
So You Want to Write A Book? - Thornton Publishing 2008
ISBN: 0-9801941-0-5
Coming soon in 2010...
Coping with Arthritis
Othniel J. Seiden has written many historical fiction novels including:
The Cartographer..1492 - Thornton Publishing 2007
ISBN: 0-9801941-2-1
The Survivor of Babi Yar -- Stonehenge 1981
 
ISBN: 0937050024
The Capuchin
 
ISBN:0917224086
Coming soon in 2010...
The Remnant
ISBN: 0-9801941-4-8
Seed of Avraham
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